Managing Loss

uncertain look on face of man

This Blog is a wide sweeping view of the many ways in which each of us over the course of our lives experience loss.  It is not intended to deal solely with any one particular type of loss, but rather, the emotions that come to the surface (generally festering turmoil) and how we as evolving human beings can understand loss.  Each of you may discover similarities within yourself that this Blog introduces, and as a reader, it is my wish as its author, that you dig deep into the awesome Self that exists as you, to be willing to allow each and every loss to be a vantage point; a view into your soul.


Managing Loss isn’t a tool that any of us come into this world with, so we can just put down the notion that some people are gifted at managing their losses.  That just isn’t true!  Everyone that we know that appears to do better than us at managing loss simply has understood something about themselves and the moment and let go of their attachment in such a way as to not stop the forward momentum of their own evolution.


Loss of job, loss of a loved one, loss of a co-worker, loss of a vehicle, loss of any personal possession, loss of a marriage, loss of a relationship, loss of a physical ability, loss of financial security, loss of age, loss of a home, loss of a service, loss of a favored professional, loss of a pet, loss of a title, loss of an idea, loss of our identity, loss of faith, loss of knowledge, loss of personal pleasures…the list goes on and on. 


When dealing with loss and then managing loss, what we could do instead of blame, or be shamed or regret, is to ask ourselves:  “If there is a gift in this, what value can I bring to humanity if I could understand how this experience of loss is moving me into a fuller expression of the person I know I came here to be?” 


Each of us came here with a gift and managing loss, we can be assured of, is part of that gift.  When we gain the wisdom from each and every experience we become beacons of understanding and self-realized individuals capable of sharing a Truth that can set others free.  Just think about that!  The Truth we come to understand and Live once shared, not just can but WILL set others free.


Now I want to back up long enough to share this point:  Don’t consider life as always being about finding meaning in everything.  Some things are not ours to share; some things are ours to receive!  Life isn’t a school…it’s not about always trying to find out what there is to learn in every experience we have.  I believe that is a misconception of people and society as a whole and very well may be a flaw in the societal and theological teachings of every school of thinking and school of spirituality.


Let’s just look at it this way:  If life was school, and everything was about being in class…and we were always to learn something from everything, then school could never let out.  It must always be in session.  Every school provides breaks; breaks for personal biological needs, food, rest and even a sort of recess.  Now if our personal evolution is thought to be compared to school…where we are always about finding the meaning of everything and it is so important to gain that knowledge…What if—what if we are wrong?  And life doesn’t have meaning…what if this life we are living now was actually RECESS?  And we are supposed to be having fun; playing, laughing, enjoying everything!  If we think it is “school’s in session”—then we missed out our whole life on the best part—having fun!


When it comes to managing loss we are not intended to dwell too long and too hard on its meaning.  We are to have our experience of it and move on!  When we get stuck on the loss we stagnate and our evolution stops…and we begin living in the past instead of living in the NOW!   Don’t give up your today for the thoughts and attachments of yesterday or there won’t be any future today’s to enjoy.  We have to let go of the past to be present today!  If we harbor resentment toward ourselves and others over things and people that we lose, and not having the wherewithal to allow every moment to be rich with understanding and a sense of surrender, our lives cannot flourish.


We came here to be stewards of the magnificence of our brilliance and to shine brightly as sentient beings on a planet designed to support greater Life, greater Love and greater Good.  As we learn to express lovingly at each and every loss, and to allow things to change (because everything is always changing—have you noticed?) we become a self that is actualized and ready for evolution.


In 12 Step programs they say: “If nothing changes, nothing changes,” and we want to be open to change; open to become more aware, more loving, more generous, more abundant, healthier, wiser, and hold a bigger heart toward those individuals that still clutch to the stories of pain, disease and discomfort.


When we hold on to anger over loss, what we have essentially done is to drink from the well of hatred rather than eat the fruit from the tree of life.  When we desire things to stay the same we are asking for our bodies to be filled with poison.  If our blood doesn’t move stagnation sets in…and where ever there is stagnation there is death.  Don’t drink the poison of a static life…lift up the glass of a dynamic life and toast in celebration that life has taken a step forward!  Be open to change!  Be grateful that things are changing—that just shows everyone, you and whatever created this Universe (I call it God) that you are a happy participant in the ongoing evolution of Life.


Managing Loss is a critical act of kindness and compassion.  Our willingness to accept ourselves and others as well as things changing proves that we are actively participating with evolution.  You’ve all heard the phrase:  “You can’t control Mother Nature,” but you can be in alignment with it.  Managing Loss is simply knowing that we are in alignment with not only our own evolution, but that we are in agreement and appreciation of the evolution of everything and everyone else.  When we have that, and when we live from that place—essentially what we have achieved is Managing Loss.


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