How often in life do we get the opportunity to just start again? To pack up the family and friends (what’s left of them,) and just move onto something greater than anything ever imaginable. Something that there could be absolutely no way of knowing just how fantastic it could become!
Recently I discovered that since I wasn’t feeling so well, that I should do something to really enjoy myself and to try to get the best experience possible under my skin so that should this life’s end (and the doctors swear it is ending very soon!) at least, I would have made some accommodations for my children and grand children (after all if we do anything in this life we should make a better life for our family and friends!) At least that’s what I was taught as a child by my grandparents. What did you learn?
I see that though I really think I should be living longer, there is this constant agony, this constant driving pain, this never-ending sorrow within my body. However, I am keenly aware that it is my ego mind that chooses to continue because with my personality type, I really am unable to do any other thing than this (I am a winner! A conqueror! A vigilante for my own Good!). What about you? What makes you different?
I don’t resist. No not at all, I conquer, but this beast that I conquer, is me; and in case you haven’t noticed this about yourself yet…everywhere you go there you are! And there is just no conquering the beast that is the “you” that wants to succeed. To live!
I do love me, and I do know that so many choices I have made over the years are culminating into this very experience that I am having today. And for the most part…I am not happy with the experience I am having! Waking up and actually seeing consciousness…seeing how those fears, those doubts, those misconceptions, those most incredible thought streams of negativity have become the very experience that I condemn today. The biggest part of the work that I have to do is to uncover the True Self within… that part of me untouched by this human experience.
I cry inside. Lo! I yearn for those days to truly believe that I may “pick up my bed and walk,” only today, I do realize that I have been walking, and I just haven’t made that big of a difference as I know that I should have made, not could have made, I’ve done all that. I just realize that my perception of what is possible for me scares the hell out of most folks and yet I know, I have held back, never quite putting everything forward. Do you hold back? It’s comfortable isn’t it?
I think somewhere I learned to always keep a reserve because you never know when you will need it. Did you learn that too? (Who taught us that?)
It’s almost like never leaving home without having clean underwear on! I bet you heard that one too, I mean after all, if you got into an accident you would want to have clean underwear on wouldn’t you? (Personally I know if I get in an accident my underwear probably would remain clean anyway so does it really make that much of a difference?)
Hahahahaha! (Some of you may be saying what the fuck?—Scorning those who are seeking to see the eloquent Rev. Les DeMarco!)
What is it in life that makes us think about our life? Have you ever asked yourself that? Why do we concern ourselves with deep questions, questions that if we had the answer too, we most likely wouldn’t be satisfied with what we discover. It is a common issue with wanting to know the truth isn’t is? We will find out something we really wish we didn’t learn.
If I’ve taken on a belief in death I think that is quite okay. I’d rather be a realist than to be driving along sometime in complete denial (when I feel like shit, I can’t focus, my body is unable to navigate simple depth and eye-to-hand motions), and then having a traffic accident and wiping out a family with a newborn. How do you live with that? When there was an opportunity to have someone else drive or something could have been delivered? Is that stubbornness or is that the just the basic nature of man unable to tolerate the fact that the body is aging, it’s pain ridden—no longer capable of eye-to-hand simple coordination and sleep eludes endless cycles of days turning into nights and the sun making it daytime again. Yawn! I get bored with the story within my head about life itself, this physical life.
I long for those days when thoughts of my health and welfare and that of my family weren’t present and constantly nagging at me as if I may have failed in some area or in the life itself. What is the purpose of life? Why do we consider it so valuable and the blood line. What is the importance of keeping it pure. Keeping it from being infected by racist ideas and cultural discrepancies. Why do I fear the integration of the Soul into a multi-cultural experience? What holds back the chains of time and the dregs of humanity from truly revealing the truth about life?
I am bored with how stupid most people are. We all possess this ability to be and do more than we ever have before yet it appears to me as if the common pull of humanity is to sit on her laurels and wait for the next greater-yet-to-be to be delivered (actually handed to us) on a silver platter! It’s like we are all waiting to collect the full winnings of the lottery. We have neither purchased the ticket nor have we engaged in the developing of a definite plan for how we will utilize that win fall for the betterment of all of humanity!
As I’ve escaped the torture of trying to do ministry within the confines of an organization or a spiritual director, the lessons that I have learned are that only the “Holy Spirit” has authority over the lives of us whom believe in the Son of God. I know Ernest Holmes believed in the Son of God and he mentioned in the Beverly Hills lectures that Jesus Christ was our Salvation from Eternal Damnation. (Which he stated over and over in the Science of Mind that damnation was the effect of our thinking turned against the Greater Good that we know we truly have come here fully orbed to express.)
Far too long I sat under the throws of duress thinking that there was something that I needed to prove in order to become fully ordained by God to do that which I know I have come here to do. How do you express or explain that to someone whom might not have a philosophical platform or basis by which he or she may determine the experiences of his or her life? I mean, isn’t it important to know whether we’re enjoying life or not and if we don’t analyze whether we’re having a good time how would we ever know we’re living the life that we came here to live?
I just want to be a pleasant place in the morning. I would rather have it that people as well as my dogs enjoy having the time with me in the morning! I don’t want to be killing flies all day just to finally get some peace in my head or in my living environment! I desire for that peace and that calm to emanate from within. I know that as I continue to follow my heart, to listen to that inner voice within, and then follow that up with a corresponding action step, that’s when my life becomes all that I imagined it could become. (It’s me isn’t it that has to do the work if I want my life to improve?)
Quite often I have found that just by sitting down and telling myself what I intend for this day, helps significantly towards me actually taking a step in that direction. If I don’t voice my Truth how will I know the Truth that is within me? Often I have found that if someone would just help me, I might take that step, but that’s just never going to happen is it? If I want my life to change, it’s me that must take that step and though others around me may support that step, and some may walk beside me, the experience will be mine. I have to be the one to take the step. Do you agree?
Even if you don’t think you can take that required step, nevertheless be willing for something or someone to show up and make that step feasible. Often times, what I have discovered is that as long as I have been willing to at least imagine that I am taking the step, that step gets taken in some respect, though should I enlist all my senses and even my life energies, the step is the only thing that needs to take place because the Universe has this great tendency to always be manifesting each of our great Good. But we do have to recognize that good, claim that good, and actually take a step toward that good if we are to have the experience of that good.
So my life is my experience of my choices. Do I choose to live it in the pain I feel today or shall I move forward knowing that I am filled and infused with that sense of Life that always supports a Greater Expression of Love in the world? I have to be that Love. I choose to live large. The expression of good within me is limitless and today I must express that Good if I am to experience that Good.
Will you join me?